Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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