dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
