If that was your dad, he is hot
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
