I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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