I didn't shave. On purpose
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
