I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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