he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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