Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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