Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
