I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
