The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
