Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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