The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
