Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
