one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
