life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
