love makes seman taste better
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
