i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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