Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
