you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
