He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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