a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
