Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
