her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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