The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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