I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
