I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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