Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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