i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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