my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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