if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
