Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
