I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
