Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
