Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
