Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is her dick bigger than yours?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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