i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize