at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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