the condom got lost in my hair
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
