Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
