Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
