It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
