did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
