Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize