You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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