Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
