I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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