Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
