Don't make out with my wife yet
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
BRING THE BAGELS
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
