I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize