Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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