I need help removing her.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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