yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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