Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
