There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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