you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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