he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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