my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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