DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
