I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
