and you said cock pushups were impossible
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
