Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
