Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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