one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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