I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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