thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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