I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
