I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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