We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
