Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
