Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just had sex bonerless
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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