i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
