in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
