Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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